A shocking wall of pure flab envelopes your nose. Dark pruney raisin nutmeg cinnamon disgusting coriander luke-warm bullshit hits your face like a Paso Zinfandel, helplessly mired in oak and even cassis, is this even Pinot? This smells like Ballard Canyon Syrah with 200% new French. Deep and buttery, banana on 11, there are no redeeming pinot qualities to the nose What. So. Ever. Nice clear ruby–medium dark–with pink edges, and that’s where the goodness ends. A teensy briar peeks out, and letting it sit produces graphite match-head, but a fresh swirl dredges up an absolutely unforgettable miasma of EVERYTHING wrong with wine marketed to the 99.

Smelling it is literally gag-inducing. If you poured me a Napa cab like this I would throw the bottle at you. And here we have Oregon–the land of green and citrus–Burgundian bastion of the new world. And a wine I wouldn’t make sangria with. But let’s taste it. There will be no redeeming it. No way.

In the mouth, big rich ripe black cherry disgustingness, obese and wallowing. This stuff makes Kardashians svelte and Kelly Clarkson look like Kate Moss. It’s all flabby rich fruit, until the fake acidity kicks in mid-palate and turns the whole thing to a burning pyre your tongue can not eradicate. WTF is the alcohol on this thing? Guessing it is gonna be weird–because Oregon–but they are making this so crazily California I’m actually embarrassed for them. I’m gonna say 14-2. I’m done with this wine. #drainfood

Let me close by saying this wine is NOT representative of California Pinot Noir–despite the flippant comparisons. I actually haven’t had a CA pinot like this in ages. Even when they are chubby and ripe, there’s always a *pinot-ness* to them. There’s nothing “pinot” about this wine. I wouldn’t even insult Syrah by calling it that.

2015 DOMAINE SERENE Pinot Noir ‘Yamhill Cuvee’ Wllamette Valley Oregon 14.4

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