Superficially Yours

Staining fluorescent pink with clear edges.  Alcohol and oak overtake everything in the nose.  Both nuances completely dominant and to call them ‘nuances’ is seriously giving ‘OBLITERATION’ the day off.  I will not need to trim my nose hairs for MONTHS.  I will, however, be borrowing those tweezers to remove the oak splinters from my nose, mouth, and tongue.  Is there anything else in this wine?  Fruit?  Briar?  Spice?  Who knows.  This thing is 15+ or I am a monkey’s uncle.  People gush about bottles like this and go on forever about how “structured” it is and how “massive” it is and “OMG THAT THING IS HUGE!!!”  “Wow!  What an immense wine!”  “Holy crap! Just a MONSTER!!!”  and of course “Yay!!!” and “OMG YAY!”  and “WOW OMG YAY!” and, well, you get the point.  And another case rolls out the door.  Hey, I am not to judge–OK, yes I am–but seriously, if this sort of wine is your shtick, then knock yourself out–making it or drinking it.  *cue Love Actually*  “Oooooooo… would we call her superficial?!?”  I just had to use that word because someone on social media brought it up yesterday and I’m all DUDE!  I am SOOOO gonna use that, and BOOM!  There it is. There were several theories going around concerning just exactly WHAT *superficial* meant in a wine review.  Not sure what the consensus was, but in MY notes, *superficial* means pandering to or over-working a wine to appeal to a consumer-driven-palate.  And in California right now, a ‘consumer-driven-palate’ is Hi-Octane, Over-oaked BULLSHIT.  Sorry.  NOT.  Back to this wine.  Entry presents the most textbook range of Flintstones-Vitamin fruit and acid, middle comes on strong with a venti-chai-latte-frap-charger and finish is back to all that wonderful structALCOHOL and acidALCOHOL and tanniALCOHOL.  What a perfectly-designed train wreck of a wine.  I am not suggesting you avoid all labels with ‘Larner’ as appellation, because MANY great winemakers source from these vineyards.  Please open something good!   2009 Larner Syrah 2009 15-2 and  ◊

2 thoughts on “Superficially Yours

  1. Everything you spew from you mouth is narrow minded ignorance. I award you with being the shittiest critic, EVAAAR. Time to find a new 'hobby' kid.


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