Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?

Absolute opaque purple. Like lookin through a black brick wall. Kind of a soapy-fruit nose, fake Koolaide grape provides a little high note over the baseline of weird plasticine–muddy rubber boots in the August sun, Barbi’s Vette a little too warm under the fibre-glas hood. I’m going to decant this, because there’s just no fruit in it. I KNOW it has a fuck-wad of chubby fruit in it–I can SENSE it–but it isn’t showing itself. It’s just mud and heat and wet pencils. Fruit? Anywhere? There’s some briar, a little prune… maybe it will TASTE like fruit.

Thick and unctuous all over the mouth. Sweet and thicc and fruity–but what kind of fruit is this? I’m at a bit of a loss. Not sure this fruit exists on the planet. I suppose I could just throw blackberry and black cherry at it like everybody else does and everyone will believe it. But that’s not really it. I’m searching through all the desserts I have had or all the candy I have eaten for something clever to fabricate this tasting note from and coming up blank. Perhaps it is a fruit being developed top-secret and we have not been blessed with it yet? While thick and ripe and sweet, it has no maraschino or Amaretto notes. It’s not pruney or raisiny. Milk-chocolate tannins well up early on, creating a dry, rich mouthfeel appropriate for PS drinkers to nod about. And WTF is with the finish? It tastes like waffles. I don’t like waffles.

I’m done with this wine. Sexy label. GREAT packaging–edgy and classic all at once and +1 for the red capsule. A special nod to this producer prevaricating about the technical bush and ramming DURIF into the 99. Macedonia, baby. Macedonia. The Emerald Triangle. The Garden of Eden? Someday you’ll understand. Wonder what the alcohol is. I’m gonna go with a nice, Wagner-adjusted “14-5” on the label and this thing is humpin the leg of 16-oh SO HARD. Oh god I just tasted it again. It’s getting worse. The social scientist in me is trying to picture WHO drinks this stuff. It’s not cheap. There’s just nothing going on in it. Nothing. I’m not being dramatic. There’s literally NOTHING happening in this wine except extract and sugar.

2016 CAYMUS Durif Suisun Valley Solano Co. California 14.6

www.wagnerfamilyofwine.com

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