Dearth from the Deep

Impenetrable black ruby with an abrupt edge and heavy sediment. Rather closed in, and various attempts to coax bouquet out of it fail. Flaccid fig preserves and alcohol are about it, save for slight VA attempting to make the whole thing bright. All in all a dreary, dull, cardboardy mess showing obvious signs of oxidation.

What is happening here? Am I in opposite world? A $50 supermarket Napa cab from an esteemed winemaker showing caked side-walls at 5 years and smelling like an innertube full of Charles Shaw dry-humping a banana? Is this a proprietary red? How much Syrah is in this? What’s the alcohol? So many questions. Let’s taste it.

In the mouth, awkward fruit, unpleasant and astringent. Sharp tannin moves in fast, coating all surfaces in even more unpleasantness. I’m not saying tannins are unpleasant, just… this wine is. There’s no nose, no fruit, not even anything you might expect from a supermarket top-shelfer: luxurious, seductive oak, lush-life fruit concentration and possibly even a little sugar all funneled down to a velvety finish. This has none of that and I can hear you saying, “Well soif, then it must be something you adore you old-school dickhead.” No, it is not. It went completely the opposite direction. It’s just not good wine. There’s nothing here of any redemptive value. Obtuse and acute at the same time. Flabby and astringent holding hands. No complexity. No inspiration. No compelling nuances. No nothing. Just hollow bitter shallow bullshit.

Somebody explain this fucking wine to me. OK, so here’s a game I never play: The whole “OMG I could buy XXXXXXXX for half this price and have a better wine.” I don’t do that. I never do that. That’s what poindexter asshats do. But here–in the company of this awkward, dull, emotionless, vapid plonk: Michael David looks like Opus 1. Chateau Souverain seems intriguing. Daou is the frickin Pope-Mobile. This wine is an embarrassment to everyone involved. I totally expected a completely over-the-top oak and jam bomb and I didn’t even get THAT.

This is literally the most boring wine I have had in a decade. WHO makes this again?

2013 LEVIATHAN Red Wine Cab/SY/ME/CF California 14.5

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