Please Hammer don’t hurt’em

Everyone complains I jabber too much and write too much and I’m not kind and I make weird comparisons so here you go: This is a really great wine you should buy and put it in your mouth or your butt or your boyfriend’s butt or whatever your jam is I don’t judge but it’s 10 dolla and beautiful and JLohr doesn’t pay me a goddam PENNY to say that but if you wanna have a conversation about chilled summertime reds and sundresses and picnics in the vineyard and doggos and bikinis and piquant cherry angst and black walnut girth and the lovely rasp of chalkboard and kitten-tongues, this is a geeky wine wrapped in a quilted pink housecoat that will beat up your WSET4th-grader so find some of this call your fuckin rep and scream that they’re bogarting all the Wildflower and I’ve already written to much for your attention span but it’s fuckin gorgeous and put a frixkin icecube in it and tell #winesnob to go pole-dance with a unicorn because everyone wants a simple litmus to differentiate the 99 from the 1% and this wine is IT: the ONLY PEOPLE who will tell you this wine sucks are FAKE WINE EXPERTS and they can sod off but can I watch? and #cleavageforlikes #summertimered #chilledred #youcansipwithus #notsponsored #jlohr #valdiguié #wineinfluencer #sendnudes #wine #unfollowme #triggered

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